Hello, Gentle Reader. Welcome back to another installment of the Grumpy IT Guy. Rather than berating you and yelling, I’m just going to start out by asking you a simple question. Why must you turn my idyllic IT department into a House of Lies?
Over the years I’ve had several customers (internal and external) as well as personal friends requiring IT assistance due to anomalies on their systems. I noticed this particular aspect of you humans years ago when I ran a computer service company. When we ask you what changed, we’re not asking because we want to criticize you, although sometimes that just improves the whole experience. No, we’re asking because it will make fixing things a whole helluva lot easier if we know what happened.
Let’s turn this around to another industry for a moment, shall we? A priest walks into a doctor’s office. Okay, it doesn’t have to be a priest, and this isn’t really a joke. He says, “Doctor, my knee hurts very badly.” The doctor asks what he did. He says nothing. Don’t you think that if this guy was playing soccer, took a hard fall and wrenched his knee, that this is information the doctor might like to have?
Sure, sure. He’s a doctor. He can triage and find out what’s wrong with the knee without what you people seem to think are “unnecessary” back stories, but why not make everyone’s lives easier by being up front? In the above situation, you probably would have been.
Now, let’s invoke the power of 3…
You: “My computer got really slow. Nothing is working right.”
Me: “Okay. What happened? Has anything changed? Any virus notifications? Open any attachments? Do anything different?”
You: “Nope.”
Me: “So, you haven’t done anything different, and this just started?”
You: “Yep.”
Me: “Absolutely nothing has changed, and you’ve done nothing out of the ordinary?”
You: “Oh, well I did install this new version of iTunes.”
Why, for the love of everything with holes in it, must I ask three times? I usually do; it’s been a habit for several years. Two lies and the real answer. Almost always. With everyone.
Second, don’t get me started on iTunes. Maybe I’ll create a whole column about that.
Third, yes, I can triage the machine and find out why iTunes has suddenly decided to install 9 versions of QuickTime, 12 million helper applications, and basically do everything it can to overtake your machine. However, actually telling me this up front points me in the right direction immediately.
This happened with another guy I helped, after the problem had been resolved:
Him: “What could cause something like that?”
Me: “Usually an unclean system shutdown or a power outage.”
Him: “You mean like if a server closet gets overheated?”
Me: “Heat won’t usually do that if the box is still running.”
Him: “You mean like if a server closet gets overheated, and everything shuts down?”
Me: “Yes, that could certainly do it. Out of curiosity, why do you ask?” I sighed, knowing the answer.
Him: “That happened this weekend.”
Me: “So, um… when you said ‘nothing changed,’ you meant…”
Yeah. Installing programs, your machine crashing just prior to bad behavior… those things just don’t qualify as “nothing changed.”
Someone else entirely upgraded their back-end database over the weekend, but nothing changed. Someone else replaced a hard drive and reinstalled the system, and they couldn’t find programs that they didn’t install, but nothing changed. Someone else actually had a power surge which caught their monitor on fire, they replaced the monitor, but the machine was “acting flaky.” Nope. They didn’t mention the FIRE until later.
Sometimes it’s pretty obvious why we’re grumpy.