6. Say it, forget it, write it, regret it.

If you write an email where you denigrate and berate someone, there is now written evidence that you did so, and it WILL come up at your review. That said, this is not an implicit suggestion that you go close your coworker’s door, roundly and soundly berate them, and leave feeling smug. Rather, what I’m trying to suggest is that you should write down whatever it is you want to say and then leave it sitting for an hour or two. Maybe overnight. If you have a close friend with whom you work, or you’re personally close with your boss, you might ask them to review it prior to sending. Let’s look at it another way, shall we? You’re either right, or you’re wrong. They’re either right or they’re wrong. In most cases it’s a combination of all of those. If you’re 100% right, you have nothing to lose by waiting to cool off before you send that note, and if you’re 100% wrong, you’ll thank me later. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve violated this rule (usually directly to my boss) and had to apologize later for acting like such a jackass.

7. Socialize!

I truly hate enforced socialization, free beer notwithstanding. I loathe it. I would rather have my arm broken in most situations. However, when my sales team hits their numbers for which they’ve been struggling all quarter, and they invite me to join them in a celebration, how do I look if I turn them down? When the company throws a “company appreciation” thing, and they’re (purportedly) trying to appreciate me, how do I look if I don’t go? Right. If you go out with them from time to time, if you hang out a few times outside of work hours, you look less like a machine and more like a human. People are more likely to respond positively to someone with whom they’ve spoken personally than someone who seems a black box to them.

8. Tell them your hopes, your dreams, your fears!

Okay, maybe you don’t want to go that far, but have a personal conversation with the people in your office. Get to know their kids’ names and their spouses’ names. Tell them what you do in your spare time. Become human. Topics to avoid include Star Trek, Star Wars, which of the two is better, fart jokes, sexist comments, and the intricacies of any code you’re working on at the time. Listen more than you speak.

9. Document your work

My CEO was telling me about working on computers way-back-when (think “vacuum tubes” — he’s pretty old) and asking a kid sitting next to him, “How did you do that?” The kid responded, “I’m not going to tell you!” For quite some time, IT was a magical kingdom wherein only the wizards (IT folk) could live happily, and we guarded our secrets jealously. This is pretty
common for a new knowledge-based field. Look back at the history of guilds and so forth. That time has long since passed, however, and “job security through obscurity” really needs to go away. Other people must be able to understand what you’ve done, why you’ve done it, and how to fix it if you’re unavailable. No one thanks a person who leaves a company in an incomprehensible mess. You will gain far more job security by professionally documenting and resolving problems than you will by trying to become indispensable by keeping it in your head.

10. Lighten up

Laugh at jokes, even if they’re at your expense – especially when they’re at your expense. When making jokes, make JOKES, not insults. Accept jokes at your expense, but never make them at someone else’s. Remember, you can choose to make friends at work, or you can decide that some people with whom you work aren’t worth your time. Either way, you have to work with them. Be gracious. Be helpful. Be professional. Above all, be polite.

I hope with these few points y’all will see what I’m getting at and lighten up a little bit. Remember, if everyone thinks you’re a jerk, and you think everyone’s a jerk, it’s quite possible that the majority opinion is correct.